Being Unfuckwithable was one of the most profound ideas I learned a few years ago.
Which is odd because it all started with an internet meme someone sent me…
Sure, it isn’t the most “PC” term out there.
But what the term stands for is surprisingly powerful.
Because being ‘Unfuckwithable' means becoming so completely immune to rejection and criticism that nothing and no one can ever drag you down.
So, how do you become Unfuckwithable?
The problem with most people is that problems aren't big enough.
Of course, that's never how it feels over the course of an average day.
We are all bogged down with a thousand tiny choices, a thousand tasks we need to attend to, a thousand different issues that demand our attention.
Who would willingly choose to add greater problems into that mixture?
The answer should actually be… all of us.
The problem with all of these tiny problems is that for then most part, they're oriented towards resolving a singular issue… Our need for self-esteem.
If you go on a date with someone who doesn't text you back the next day, and you can't stop wandering what you did wrong.
If you get a negative performance-review at a job you're not even passionate about, and you can't stop feeling inadequate.
You see your peers, your siblings, your colleagues, all progressing at a faster pace than you seem to be progressing, and you start feeling afraid of getting left in the dust.
We are all growing up as ‘fuckwithable' people
These are all tiny blows individually, but they eat away at your confidence over time…
And the reason they hover such a big effect is because you are ‘fuckwithable'.
Let me break that term down for you:
People who are ‘fuckwithable', are:
- People who do not feel whole.
- People who place their self-worth in the hands of others, and only feel good enough when they are accepted, admired or praised.
We are all growing up as ‘fuckwithable' people.
We exist in a social ecosystem and it's difficult to tear ourselves apart from the natural craving for approval.
We can transform ourselves into ‘UNFUCKWITHABLE' people
But, if we are able to retain that craving and transform ourselves into people who are ‘UNFUCKWITHABLE'… that's when we truly move into our power.
There are two components that go into being ‘unfuckwithable':
1. Having self-fuelled goals.
If your goal is to get a particular person to love you, you are ‘fuckwithable'. Your failure or success lies in the hands of somebody else.
However, if your goal is to bring as much energy, love, snd enthusiasm as you can, in to the lives of people around you… you are ‘UNFUCKWITHABLE'.
You are in control of that situation. Any love or acceptance you get back from it, is simply a bonus.
2. Realising that you are ‘enough' and that you will be enough in the future.
Once you complete a certain project, or fall in love with a certain type of person, being ‘UNFUCKWITHABLE' means that you are enough exactly as you are right now. With no changes, no upgrades, or tweaks.
Because the thing about people who realize that they are enough, is that those thousands of tiny issues that preoccupy them thought the day suddenly disappear.
Their self-esteem is no longer attached to the person who did not text them back, or the job that they are passionate about.
- So they have the energy to devote themselves to greater causes.
- They have the resilience to persevere through failure.
- They have the confidence to dream without restraint, because their ego is not on the chopping-block.
If something goes wrong, people who are ‘unfuckwithable' are UNSTOPPABLE.
3 Quick exercises to help you be ‘Unfuckwithable'
I want to share with you three quick exercises that can help you get to that place:
1. Begin telling yourself, “I love you”.
It sounds ridiculous, but it shouldn't. We never miss a chance to tell the people we care about how much we love them.
The number one person you should care about if you want to be ‘unfuckwithable', is YOU.
Stand in front of a mirror every morning while you're brushing your teeth, or combing your hair and tell yourself, “I love you”.
2. Begin practicing self-gratitude.
Every morning when you wake up give thanks for all the good things in your life and start the list of the things you're grateful for with you.
Thank yourself for the hard work you do, the passion your pour into projects, the love and patience you show towards friends and family.
Begin to appreciate the best parts of your personality, because what you focus on grows.
And people who are ‘unfuckwithable' are always practicing self-gratitude and growing the best parts of themselves.
3. Be present.
Even the most ‘unfuckwithable' people experience stress, pressure and anxiety. But if you can get yourself through those moments, by coaching yourself to:
- slow down
- breathe deeply
- surrender into the moment
There's no problem you cannot take on.
‘Unfuckwithable' people understand that stress is a normal part of life. But that doesn't mean it needs to defeat them.
Becoming ‘unfuckwithable' isn't a process that happens overnight. It's a series of deliberate, conscious steps that you take that moves you away from see-doubt, and towards self-confidence.
Because the end goal of becoming ‘unfuckwithable' is to move from having holes in your being, to being fully whole.
Because when you know that you are enough, just as you are, absolutely nothing can stand in your way.
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Vishen Lakhiani is an author, speaker and entrepreneur. He is the founder and CEO of Mindvalley, and the author of the best-selling book: ‘The Code of the Extraordinary Mind'.