In this video successful entrepreneur and educator Stuart Ross, answers a question from Becky in Vancouver around negativity from your spouse when getting started in business.
Here's Becky's question: “My partner is not very supportive around my online business goals. In fact, he thinks I'm in Dreamland, and any time I talk about the business, we end up arguing. Do you have any advice for individuals like me, who experience negativity from their spouse?”
Well, I think it goes without saying that almost anybody that I've ever spoken to who's gone out and started a new business, (especially something that goes against the normal way of doing things) experiences negativity or individuals who, let's just say aren't very supportive in their venture.
I think there's many different reasons for it. Some people are just assholes, and you just have to accept that.
Negative people are sometimes questioning their own lives
But more normally, and I think it's important to understand, it's just because you're really challenging people in a way where they're questioning their own lives.
Maybe it's triggering some of their own insecurities or their own disappointments.
I actually remember when I first came across this idea of starting an online business as an affiliate marketer, and I shared the affiliate business model and my ideas with an uncle of mine.
I'll never forget how he just completely shot me down with his pessimistic views and opinions.
The more he did it, the more I told him about, “Well, there's all these people that I've found and seen, and they're doing this, and they're doing that.”
He said, “That sounds like a scam. If that was possible, more people would be doing it,” and lots more negative stuff.
This is back in 2008. I remember it really deflated me. In many respects, it did knock my confidence.
He is 20 years older than me. Had some experience in business, nothing to shout about, but I do remember thinking am I making a mistake? He really did make me question my own sanity.
Good thing is is that didn't last very long. I got re-inspired as I continued to educate myself and follow other individuals who were a little bit more aspirational in my life than what he was. It all turned out okay.
Talk of big goals and dreams can trigger negativity in people
I think the important thing to know is this: that whenever you talk about big goals and big visions and big dreams, it's going to trigger a lot of people… because a lot of people are stuck in their own ways.
If you think about it, a lot of people do really just drift. One job, anticipation of working 40, 50 years in that same job.
The hope of a successful retirement down the line. All of the things that we think are normal are what a lot of people are stuck in.
That's their tunnel vision. So if you were to, as an example, talk about:
- Building an online business
- Creating a business around your passion
- Traveling as much as you want around the world,
- Having way more free time
- Making more money…
It makes people skeptical and really and deep down — whether they even know this or not — really question their own choices in their own lives.
So it's very natural, as humans, to be defensive around anything that questions our own decisions in life.
I've only really found one thing that is almost guaranteed to work in this situation, whether you're experiencing negativity from a spouse, friends, colleagues or acquaintances.
Very simply, it's to just not talk about it.
For me, the moment I started to stop shouting about all my dreams and goals and the things I wanted to achieve, was the moment I didn't really have to worry about other people's negativity and reactions.
Find a community who inspire you
I think it's really important that you do find your community. Find people who are inspiring you.
Get to events or seminars or online communities.
Make sure that there are people that you can connect with and comfortably talk to about dreams, aspirations and strategies.
Witness their transformation, because that, at the end of the day, is what's going to keep you going, keep you moving forward, and stop you from questioning your own sanity.
But more importantly, it also stops you from getting sucked into other people's lack of awareness about what's possible…
Or dampen your aspirations of what you want to achieve in your own life.
Should I leave my negative spouse?
One of the things that I do get asked a lot is, “Should I leave my partner?”
People do ask me, and I always say, “Look. I am definitely not a relationship advisor.”
I think when you have a negative spouse, it's one of the hardest things to deal with when you're not being supported by them.
It can really, really discourage anyone from moving forward, when you're in that situation.
This is what I will say on that, and this is again just partly from my own experience, but more of what I've witnessed.
I think that if you keep quiet, and maybe you have a conversation, “Look, I'm doing my own thing. I've got my own goals. I'm going to give it a go, see how I go.” Just keep it low key.
You then go on, and when they see you get results, they're going to see you and your business differently.
When they start seeing that you've made a bit of money, you've got a successful business going, stuff's starting to happen, they will start to support you.
If they don't, here is what I would say: I think one of the most important things around a successfully, happy, fulfilling relationship is having a good degree of shared values and vision.
If you're somebody with huge aspirations…
And you have the aspirations for freedom and abundance…
And to live the good life…
And you are in a situation where, where your spouse or those people around you are completely the other way…
You have to ask yourself, “Is it worth staying in that situation?”
Because you're only going to get disillusioned or dragged back from your own goals and your own vision.
So you really have to question, if it gets to that point, whether you're in the right relationship, whether that be your husband, your wife, your partner…
Or whether it be the friends that are in your circle of influence.
I've now got a different circle of friends today
I got to tell you, my circle of friends today are a completely different circle of friends than those I had 10 years ago.
Now somebody on the outside might judge and say, “Oh, he left all of his broke friends, his friends that are depressed in their jobs, and has moved on to all of his wealthy, successful friends.”
The reality is, I couldn't care less whether my friends are financially successful or not…
Whether they are geographically free, successful entrepreneurs or not.
But I absolutely do care about how I feel when I'm in their space, when I'm in their company.
I have to ask myself, “Do I enjoy being around them?”
If the answer is no, and you just happen to have grown up in a way that it's very different to your school friends or your original circle of influence… then sometimes you just have to accept that you're not the same person anymore.
You've moved on. You're now connecting and choosing to spend your time with people who are more like minded.
I only have maybe two friends from my childhood.
All of my buddies I really enjoy spending time with, and the couples I like to spend time with… they're in great relationships, they're happy, they're positive.
The same with my business colleagues and my friends. My best friend is my business partner, Jay.
Most of the time I spend in my social life is with either people who work with us in our business, for us…
Or are people that are similar in mindset around:
- And doing something bigger than the 9 to 5 grind.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Surround yourself with positive people
Be open to growth. In my experience, a lot of people will not only accept it, but will join you in the journey.
Just ask yourself, if it gets to the point where things are really starting to happen for you…
If there needs to be a shift in your surroundings, because when you look at your life, it's very likely that the five people that you spend the most of your time with are going to:
- Be in similar situations
- Have similar income goals
- Have similar health goals
- Be in similar relationships
At the end of the day, you do become like the people you surrounded yourself with.
If you're surrounded by happy, positive, fulfilled, motivated, driven, successful people, you're going to to tend to flow in that space.
If you're surrounded by more pessimistic, negative, cheaters, people that are disrespectful, rude… chances are that that's going to rub off on you in some way or another. So just be very selective on that as well.
But I think the ultimate answer is, especially in the beginning stages, is just talk less and do more.
- Talk less and do more.
- Focus on your business.
- Focus on your goals.
Your negative spouse, partner, family or friends will either come around or they won't. Then it's up to you, what you do once the success is there.
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Stuart Ross started his journey into the digital and entrepreneurial world with nothing more than perseverance, a laptop and a dream. To date, he's created a multimillion dollar lifestyle business in the education and technology industry that he absolutely LOVES. His driving passion is sharing the know-how and mindset that lets others feel the same way. The reason they call him ‘The Freedom Entrepreneur' is because he refused to accept the constraints of traditional employment. Having successfully found a better route, he's committed to showing others how to live life on their own terms too. CLICK HERE to find out more about Stuart and his business.